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spencer2129's Blog


goodbye

at first i don't know how to say it
because i don't know if it will ease my sadness
maybe i am mute and speechless
and i don't know how can i do it more or less

you have such wonderful memories
while i don't have any
you can sort out your problems
while i'm too weak to handle them
maybe you're such a wonderful person
while me i'm not

i can't deny that i hate you
but i know deep inside it won't last
i love you, i love your eyes
your charm, everything in you

maybe it might be true
that we're not meant for each other
maybe or surely, there is something
that keeps us apart from being together

whatever is the reason
i hope that you'll remember
whatever you do
wherever you go
my thoughts are always be with you

if you're getting lonely don't forget
especially when you look up at night
someone will always pray for you

and now the time has come
to end it up and leave
 to look and fulfill our dreams
i can say goodbye, dearest








last time

it's been years since you left
we haven't time for farewells
no one was to blame
no means to do it anyway

but as time goes on
everything is slipping away
every day is blank for me
i feel empty though i'm full

i see the colors of the morning
the brightness glare of moon
the sunset and its tints
but i remembered most
is the night's hue

i wonder where are you now?
do you spare a moment just for me
or throwing away the moments
that we suppose to cherish?

please there be a day
that we meet again
let there be a chance
to touch you
even for the last time



my confession

let me confess you something
though i think it is untimely
but what might be a better chance
than spill it now?

all those years of living
i thought i spent it with integrity
until now this moment i realized
instead i lived in shame and mist

little deeds i've done
i thought they were just
but time passed by
they became sharp daggers
ripping my soul

maybe i was stupid
or maybe i was blind to see
if only i could don a mask
firmly fastened to my face 
to ease me up

but what the heck i can do?
i can't turn back the time
and just say "i'm sorry"?
believe it or not

innocent or otherwise
i've meant it for good not harm
yet negative is the result
and i apologize







losing

oh how i feel disappointed
when you win a battle
yet no matter what i do
in the end everything is lost

i tried my best
to win a prize
but how cruel fate was
i didn't reap a grain

now i don't know what to do
and i'm getting to feel
that no matter how strong i am
success still can't be mine
please i need help

foolish love

we have shared so many memories
and happy were our times that fled
even if you're only a child
yet you have the power 
to stir my deep within

i remembered your face
innocent and all smiles
straight and shiny hair
expressive eyes beaming

you reminded me of my youth
energetic, alive and noisy
at first i thought i'm just amused
but later on my feeling for you grew

i remembered the times we're together
moments filled with fun and laughter
oh how my days are brightened
when you are at my side

i learned to love you
even if it's foolish to do so
yet i blindly ignored it
just to be with you

however love is blind as it might be
so do i when i deal with you
because of misgivings
i was blind that i've spoiled you

after several circumstances
my mind is cleared
i've done you wrong
i am deeply sorry




my mask

i have a secret to tell
hope that you'll understand
because it's difficult to do
when pretending to be fine 
if it's not true

you see i'm a person of of sadness
my pals named grief, pain and loneliness
that i must cover it neatly
so that i can hide my anxiety

ergo i donned a mask
filled with liveliness
as well as laughter and jolliness
hoping that this will be for the last

but as time goes by
i began to realize that
it's a mistake
i feel that it begins to slip out

the mask is not working anymore
and i can't bear it a little more
can't manage the fact that it's a must
to have two faces if i want to meet the world

now i'm having a hellish time
whether to drop my mask or not
but i want to be free
yet scared of being left by my peers

i need your help buddy
i can't go on with this through my life
i hope you'll spare your judgement
and offer your hands and sympathy 

the evil

not all demons have tails
or horns and forks
not all demons are red
and take our souls
or play inside our heads

sometimes not all monsters
are people who wants to harm you
sometimes not all gay people
will be labeled as friends

well i want to say
is that not all evil
are from outside
sometimes it is within you
that unfortunately weakens you

but above all
we all have the power
to build or destroy ourselves
that's why i pray for myself and to you
as well fight to repel evil
and fight with providence that never fails

if  you're strong then good it is
but if not then cry for help
and something will lift you
and hope that you'll get through
just flip them

lonely night

the night was so dark
i was standing by my window
can't fall to sleep
my thoughts are roaming
thinking about you
where are you now?
are you still fine?
do you also think of me?

i wish i'm with you
talking and laughing with you
or playing my guitar just for you
and maybe care for you
and perhaps caress you
pour my soul to you
if only i could do those
than just dream or pause
and pray that you'll stay




that IS memorable

"what penguins like the most, what penguins like the best, is for humans to entertain them while they sit back and rest"   ---carl foutley ("as told by ginger")

mother nature

open your eyes
let the morning in
feel the sunshine
under your skin

take a breath of fresh air
and fill your breath
it's time to rise
from your sleep beneath

so go ahead
take your time
do away with stress
let silence be your guide

see the fresh colors of the meadows
or behold the lush jewels of a stream
let the bounty of mother nature
caress you until glow

what more can be better
than be with mother earth
let her bring you peace
and always live in bliss

music

ah music. it soothes it's relaxing
every time i hear one my ear's tingling
it clears your mind
even takes away your fears

it calms your nerves
even when bad luck strikes you down
when everything makes you mad
listen to it and realize it's not so bad

it makes you laugh
it makes you cry
it doesn't hide the truth
even when it makes a lie

it's a universal friend
an audible pal you can rely on
and when there is no shade of harmony
everyone will feel the gloom
even in the beauty of dawn

what i want to say 
is stay cool and never frown
even in depression and pain
listen to the sound of music
it never lets you down






just my insight

no one really understand one's feelings
until he felt it
no one really express what it is
until he learned to do so
no one understands the other
for he thinks he is just someone
and hard to accept another
because you thought it's a nerdy thing to do
but try to push and see more
and you will find yourself changed





to you someone dear to me

how can i forget you
when you're within me?
how can i ignore you
when you're always with me?
how can i turn my back from you
when i know i cannot do so?
tell me how can i smile to you
when you turn and walk away?
how can i talk to you
when you always frown at me?
how can i get close to you
when you don't want me to do so?
but even though you took your path
that is away from me
i know that you are here inside me
and forever will always be 

 

dreams and you

i close my eyes
i fall to sleep
i look into my mind
to find someone to be with

i find you inside
looking at me
with a smile in your lips
i see the eternity

you hold my hand
and take me in the depth
of my heart as well
as in my soul

there you whisper
and look at my eyes
things that could be
just plain heavenly

to show you the world
the day and night
to feel the breeze of love
entwined with stars and light

i dream to be with you, in real or not
i will always long to touch you
and take my breath away
with your caress and magical kiss

i long to feel your love
showering on me like snow
swaying with the wind like leaves
with the voice of your eyes
tenderly for me
is more alive rather than
words and speech

so called dilemna

she's bewitched by his eyes
yet she doesn't want to see
she likes his luxuriant hair
yet  she doesn't want to touch it
she's smitten by her charm
and yet she wants to smash it
whenever their glances meet
i know they both feel it
the spark between the two of them
and yet both shrug it off
maybe she's in love with him
she can't deny it
and yet she doesn't want to
she was hurt and scorched before
and she doesn't want him
shuddered by her own despair
hoping that he'll understand her trouble
because i myself don't



the restless thing

what is the feeling of being restless?
it's like the always in a hurry?
it's like that you want to burst out
or you want to shake everyone's teeth?

again what's the feeling of being restless?
ah! i think it's like dancing the rhumba?
or maybe like the ticklling worm inside your belly?
or it's like that you want to unleash a thing?

for the last time 
what's the feeling of being restless?
you mean you want to be flash
the roadrunner or speedy gonzales?
or what you mean is
your bp went high again?
or maybe forgotten to brush your teeth?

hey, hold on for a second!
you're bugging me with these
you're making me restless
and i guess that's the answer
you've been looking for
you want to thank me
don't bother



the real me

i know it's been so long
but the scars still fresh and new
like the evening dew
making me blue

i know it's been so hard
trying to keep whole inside
and yet all the devils are
breaking themselves free

what am i going to do?
i am struggling inside
what am i going to say?
i am fighting inside
trying to hide just to be
something real

what do i need?
i really don't know
bliss and love left me
they hide, where did they go?
i want to know

tell me, i want to know
help me if you really want to
i just wish i still have
the power just to go on

NO MOTHER'S DAY

STOP IT! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU
YOU ALWAYS WANT TO BE
A PERSON ALWAYS FEELING BLUE
LOVE TO UNLEASH ANGER TO ME
YOU THINK THAT I'M ONLY A CHILD
WEAK, WORTHLESS AND STUPID
YOU ARE THE SENIOR
THAT YOU DON'T KNOW OR CARE
YOU MAKE ME MISERABLE
BECAUSE YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED
NOW I CAN'T SEE CARING FOR YOU
AND MY SOUL SAYS "I SPIT ON YOU"
I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TIME TO
LOOK INTO YOURSELF
DO YOU ALWAYS SAY
WHATEVER YOU DO IS THE "BEST" ANYWAY?
DO YOU SOMETIMES THOUGHT
YOU MAKE MISTAKES
EVEN WHEN YOU "GUIDE" ME
IS YOUR CONSCIENCE AT STAKE?
YOU KNOW HOW TO UNDERSTAND?
OR TO PUPPET ME AS SOON AS YOU CAN
DON'T BE SURPRISED ANYWAY
IF I FEAR YOU NO MORE
AND READY TO FACE OR LEAVE
YOU, A ROLE MODEL?
AND YOU KNOW THE BEST
BULLSHIT! I BELIEVE THE OTHER
YOU ALSO KNOW THE WORST
EVERY TIME I REACH "HOME"
THE PLACE IS MORE OF A DEVIL'S ROOM
THERE NEVER WAS A DAY BLESSED
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? IT'S GODDAMNED
NEVER HOPE THAT THE BIG BOSS WILL AGREE
NOW, I AM PLEASED AND I END THIS PIECE
PAIN AND ANGER MIGHT BE COOLED AND EASED


true love

one can find true love
if he'll love it very much
he doesn't know, he doesn't care
if others call it "puppish" or "crush"

she falls in love
embraces it with sweetness
it is like a dove
flying in peace and happiness

he is true to oneself
he is honest to her
when everything is lost
in secret and will, he will bear

having a hard time when is despair
the more that he's devoted to her
and the best thing to be done
is to free her as she's letting him go

true love never waits in return
or thinking what is everything for
it learns and willing to sacrifice
it's really to love more than ignore

everyone would wish for it
love that is tender and sweet
it wants for true happiness
that's the truth, that is true love 

realm

ah, here comes the jungle
that you have to pass
be careful of serpents
be careful of crocs
and anything dangerous
or you might else slip
and lose your box
that is needed to be delivered

now here comes the ocean
and you have to use a boat
be careful of your oars
and anything perilous
or you might be tossed up
and lose your box
that is needed to be delivered

next is the desert
and you have to cross it
be careful of sandstorms
be careful of bandits and quicksands
not to mention the scorching heat
or you might be swallowed or toasted
and lose your box
that is needed to be delivered

and grrr! here comes
the freezing wilderness
all pure and white as well
as cold you shiver in might
be careful of icebergs
be careful of snow and bears
aside from the blasting blizzards
in your sight
or you might be frozen and still
lose your box
that is needed to be delivered

and then what's next?
i ask myself what's next?
i wish that you will know
but alas! 
there's none to be answered
nothing to discover except
that you need to bear
your box as you continue
your journey to the realm called life




1-20 of 59 Blogs   

Previous Posts
goodbye, posted May 20th, 2013
last time, posted May 20th, 2013
my confession, posted May 20th, 2013
losing, posted May 20th, 2013
foolish love, posted May 20th, 2013
my mask, posted May 20th, 2013
the evil, posted May 19th, 2013
lonely night, posted May 19th, 2013
that IS memorable, posted May 19th, 2013
mother nature, posted May 19th, 2013
music, posted May 19th, 2013
just my insight, posted May 18th, 2013
to you someone dear to me, posted May 17th, 2013
dreams and you, posted May 17th, 2013
so called dilemna, posted May 16th, 2013
the restless thing, posted May 16th, 2013
the real me, posted May 16th, 2013
NO MOTHER'S DAY, posted May 16th, 2013
true love, posted May 16th, 2013
realm, posted May 15th, 2013
tiny star, posted May 15th, 2013
you know this feeling, posted May 15th, 2013
untitled, posted May 15th, 2013
DEAR GOD, posted May 14th, 2013
true friend, posted May 14th, 2013
farewell friends, posted May 13th, 2013
it slips away, posted May 13th, 2013
happiness, posted May 12th, 2013
I, posted May 11th, 2013
that first day, posted May 11th, 2013
yep, he is, posted May 11th, 2013
guru, posted May 11th, 2013
for the people's princess, posted May 11th, 2013
to you my friend, posted May 11th, 2013
sharp side of me, posted May 11th, 2013
what i feel, posted May 10th, 2013
several don'ts, 1 do, posted May 10th, 2013
just why?, posted May 10th, 2013
wrote this when i turned at that age, posted April 23rd, 2013
sembreak syndrome, posted April 23rd, 2013
That Bear, posted April 20th, 2013
what i wish the most, posted April 20th, 2013
A boy, posted April 20th, 2013
How Long, posted April 18th, 2013
China Eyes, posted April 18th, 2013
IF, posted April 18th, 2013
Because I Love You, posted April 18th, 2013
Sometimes, posted April 18th, 2013
Sorrowful Night, posted April 18th, 2013
Years of Dilemna, posted April 18th, 2013
1-50 of 60 Blog Posts   

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